Dear brown Canadian woman...

"I have so many questions, but am afraid of asking the wrong person the wrong question." 

Whether or not to approach a POC with a question regarding race / racism and how to do so without causing offense is a question I've been asked many times. And it's a very important topic to address.

I believe in self education. When people take it upon themselves to look into a topic, it shows a real willingness to learn, and also helps lift the burden off of people of colour who may be tired of answering the same questions over and over again.

Educational burnout for POCs is a very real thing, and needs to be acknowledged.

To complicate things, it also needs to be acknowledged that a lot of white people really don't know where to start. They may not know what to look up. And, let's face it, hearing directly from actual people that we know holds more weight than any documentary or article ever could.

So, what to do?

I don't think there is any one definitive answer here. Below I share with you my most recent answer to a good friend. Please don't take this as an all encompassing answer, as there are many ways to approach this question. This is just my opinion.

"You can only learn by asking questions. But white people can be afraid to ask questions for fear of being rude or causing offense. I don't have a definitive answer to this question. 

One piece of advice I can give is wait to see signals - do you know a POC? Do they seem open to the discussion? Have they talked about their experiences before? If so ask, but 'warn' them first. And by that I mean don't just out of the blue spring a question on them and catch them all off guard. And don't ask in a crowd....or at a party...and not when alcohol is involved. Too often I've had well meaning white friends ask during a party when alcohol is involved....bad idea.

I'd approach a person and say 'I have some questions about race/racism but first let me say I totally understand if you don't want to answer. I get you don't have all the answers and can only give your individual POV. Do you mind sharing your opinions with me?"

Then you need to accept a yes or a no. And you need to be prepared that some of the views they share may make you feel uncomfortable. Be open to them correcting you as well.

They might want to get into it right then and there, or they may wait a bit until they are comfortable sharing. They may never want to talk about it or tell their opinions. It is so individual. But if someone doesn't want to open up, don't feel you were wrong to respectfully ask a question.

I also encourage white people to learn as much as they can on their own. That is SO helpful in these types of conversations if white people are trying to learn on their own as well"

You can also ask a POC if they know of any books/documentaries/videos or resources that they would like to share with you.

As a start, I would encourage anyone who is curious to open up Google or YouTube, and type in the name of their community or province followed by the words 'Black History". You will pull up results that talk about the history and noteworthy people of your area that way. Many white people don't know anything about Black history because it is excluded or glossed over if it even is featured in classrooms. Knowing the history is a really great first step into understanding why things are the way they are today. For example many white Canadians do not realize that Canada had slavery and segregation (did you know Nova Scotia had segregated schools until fairly recently? My step-father went to a segregated school). They have never heard of Africville, or Viola Desmond (you know, the lady on the $10 bill? She is commonly referred to as Canada's Rosa Parks). 

The most recent book I've read which I recommend to everyone is Black Cop by Calvin Lawrence. Seriously, if you are interested in knowing more about these topics, this book should be at the top of your list! You can purchase it from Amazon and Chapters, and you can also borrow it from the Halifax Public Library System.

You can also follow this blog and others like it. 

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